In Sickness And In Health

You begin to realize your life, the life of your spouse, and your marriage are no longer going to be the same when your spouse is diagnosed as having a chronic disease.

You probably didn’t give much thought to the clause “in sickness and health” in your marriage vows if you are like most couples. You probably spent most of your time gazing into the eyes of your partner, beaming with joy at the prospect that you were marrying your soulmate and anticipating your wedding.

If you had given it some consideration, you might have imagined “in sickness and health” as you serving your wife soup when she is sick with the flu or running out to the store after 10 pm for more Sudafed and Kleenex for your husband’s “monster cold.” You probably didn’t think about calamity except to say, “Yes honey, I would still love and care for you if there was a car crash.”

Most often, “illness” appears out of the blue. You begin to realize your life, the life of your spouse, and your marriage are no longer going to be the same when your spouse is diagnosed as having a chronic disease. You may find yourself thinking, “Will it affect his life expectancy?” You can easily let thoughts like “Will this affect his lifespan?” and “Will it still be possible to have children?” Torment you.

Here are eight tips to help you deal with a diagnosis in a relationship.

Accept Help.

You’ll probably receive more help than you can handle if you belong to a church group or close-knit friends. Casseroles and free babysitting will not improve your situation or heal your broken spirit. But they can help you focus on healing as a couple.

Find A Support Group.

For support group referrals, contact your doctor or church. Find a support group that welcomes spouses and other family members. Consider starting a group if there isn’t one in your area. Find an online forum to receive and provide encouragement.

Find A Good Counselor.

Do not be intimidated by the thought of visiting a psychiatrist. Find a counselor who is both certified and Biblically based that you can talk to. If your pastor is not a counselor, he can refer you to someone who is.

Make Intimacy A Top Priority.

Physical intimacy is a great way to create a strong bond between married couples. Sex not only fulfills physical desires but also builds spiritual and relational intimacy between husband and wife. It allows them to express their emotions. Continue to love your spouse if sex can still be had. If it is not possible, find creative ways to satisfy each other’s desires.

Reach Outside Yourself.

You and your partner can “drown” spiritually and emotionally if you focus only on yourself. Reach out to those in need, whether they are shut-ins or people with similar medical conditions who would appreciate a warm meal. Or widows that could use some listening ears. True joy comes from helping others and that’s a rarity in these times.

Realize It’s Ok To Question God.

God will understand if you are angry with the doctors, angry with Him, or angry at society in general. Do not let Satan fool you into believing that anger is a crime. Sinful behaviors include angering others and turning away from God. Bring him your doubts and questions. You can expect to gain clarity at the end of this time if you wrestle with him.

Reflect.

It is not an easy journey for followers of Christ. Not now and not in this lifetime; you may not know why your condition was diagnosed. You will one day have answers to these questions. God will reveal His purpose to you in the meantime and for your life as well. Your thoughts, feelings, and reflections should be recorded. Share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections with your partner. Share them with your spouse.

Do Not Let Your Condition Or Despair Define You.

No matter how difficult or confusing life may be, it is still worth living. Make lemonade from lemons and lay down at Jesus’ feet when you are wrung out.